The passing of my father has had an utterly profound impact on me. All the time spent in mourning with the relatives has given me a clearer picture of who he was. Sorry, Linda and Lin, but to say that there is nothing beyond this life is too simple an explanation for me. Life is much too wondrous for that. I suspect the truth is that we came from another dimension or parallel universe and go back when we die. So dad is there now. I wonder if he can hear my thoughts and feel what I’m feeling. I would like to believe that he can and that in some way he will enable me to take what he had wanted to achieve one step further.
My eyes are welling up with tears. All at once I am a child again and yearning for his company and protection. Life seems so much emptier without him. Not just for me but for mom as well, who misses him terribly. (I don’t know what kind of turmoil my brother is experiencing but he has been silent all this while.) I walk through his house and little things bring memories flooding back like a torrent. It’s hard to look at his photos without fighting back tears.
Dad was devilishly handsome in his youth. The photo above his coffin was taken in his forties. The undertakers had enlarged it from a smaller one, blurring it, making him even more dashing and a little larger than life. And making us appreciate our loss even more acutely. Dad had lived his life to the fullest. How many people had he touched and enriched? We will never know. Suffice it to say he was a truly decent human being. I am half the man he was.
See you in a little bit.
Love,
Choong
[From a young lady in Zhangjiagang (17 Mar 2009):
I really respect (and envy) the bond that you shared with your dad. Not many people have that. I can feel your emotion just by the way you talk about him.]
