Homosexuality

A friend in Facebook asked where I got the inspiration for this topic. Well, believe it or not, I had a flashback in a public toilet - hoho! I was using the urinal when the cubical behind me opened and someone came out. For some reason, I half expected someone else to come out after him.

Which invoked memories of the time when two guys actually stepped out of the bathroom in my apartment, one after the other!

That was when I was still a Holy Joe studying in Sydney and sharing an apartment with some fellow believers. I was the de facto head of this Christian household.

One day, this skinny guy I met in church (let's call him Lex) approached me and said he had been kicked out of his flat. I didn't know what the reason was but being the compassionate soul I was (and still am), I offered him the spare room. He was very happy and quickly settled in.

Lex was a Chinese Malaysian and, despite his unusual predicament, had a brilliant mind - he was a medical student! God knows where he is now, but I wish him well.

I can't remember all the details but soon after, I realised something was amiss. Lex was bringing this Aussie chap home with him! One fine day, I caught them emerging from the shower, the first a few minutes before the second - to avoid being discovered!

Naturally, I felt totally betrayed! Lex knew I was a Christian and yet had the gall to use my premises as a venue for his sexual trysts. So I told him to leave.

He actually wept in front of me. And I had my first, and probably last, heart-to-heart talk with a gay man. Lex was effeminate in gesture and appearance, not one of those masculine gays like Rock Hudson. He told me homosexuals were very promiscuous - practically hopping from bed to bed. He told me many librarians in Sydney were gay. He could not study in the University library because the librarians - many old and wrinkled - kept hounding him for sex!

Lex said his brothers were all straight. From young, he had found the woman's naked body repulsive! The sight of bananas and rambutans (a hairy round fruit) attracted him! (I kid you not - that was what he told me!)

So what conclusion can I draw on the matter? There are definitely some people who are born gay. You can ask them to abstain from sex but you can't change them. At the same time, I think a permissive environment, like the one in the West, encourages straight men to experiment with gay sex. Some of them acquire the taste for it. It's a convenient lifestyle, after all. Men don't need foreplay or flowers, don't ask for commitment and, most important of all, don't get pregnant.

What's my take on the Anwar case? Let me answer that with a question. Gay men are not blind and fall for beauty like the rest of us. Do we honestly believe that a rich and powerful homosexual male would choose a partner like Dr Munawar Anees (bless him), when there are so many pretty young boys around? Enough said.

Germanophile

There are Anglophiles and Francophiles. I happen to be a Germanophile and that basically means I have a healthy admiration for the German people.

A long long time ago, there was a black and white documentary on tv called The Valiant Years. (Valiant = courageous / heroic). I remember, very distinctly, watching this soldier jumping over a wall and a voice saying "The Germans counter attack." I did not have a clue what a German was, what the fighting was all about, zilch. I just liked the "square" helmet and I was hooked from that very moment. I have been siding the Germans ever since, but more in spirit than anything else. In war movies, soccer matches, whatever, for me it was always Deutschland uber Alles! Germany above all! I'm as loyal as a Manchester United fan!

And guess what? In the innocence of my youth, I had chosen one of the best horses in the race! The Germans are a truly remarkable people. They have assumed a low profile internationally after the horrors of WW2 and are loath to blow their own trumpet. So I will do it for them. Here are 10 of their most outstanding achievements.

1. Blitzkrieg (Lightning war). The Germans introduced a whole new way of conducting warfare using speedy mechanised units - light tanks, paratroopers, dive bombers, etc - to disable the enemy's command and communication structures.





2. The Panther tank. One of the best tanks in the Second World War, lovingly crafted by German engineers, who always placed quality above quantity.








3) The 88mm gun. Probably the most formidable anti-aircraft and anti-tank gun in the entire war.















4) The Tiger tank. The Germans took the 88mm gun and mounted it on a tank!













5) The Leopard Tank. Reputedly one of the best tanks in the world today.



6) The Messerschmitt ME262. The very first fighter-jet in the world!



7) The V1. This flying bomb is the grandfather of America's cruise missiles!














8) The V2. German rocket technology helped the Americans reach the moon.

























9) 6 decades after the end of WW2, Germany has risen from the ashes to become the largest economy in Europe.



10) 1/4 the population of the USA, Germany is the biggest exporter in the world!


If you see my kids studying in a German university, you'll know why.

Gay Rooster

A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”

“Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.”

The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.

“Dammit,” says the farmer. “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”

Crime Scene Investigation

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba

Dear God

Once in a while I come across some hilarious story worth keeping. Here's one.

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna

[Art by Robb Mommaerts.]